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i was going to write a post about how to fail embarrassingly at killing yourself (trust me, i'm an expert on this!)

but i don't want to give anyone (else apart from myself) tips on how to succeed.

i (used to?) think we all have a purpose here, to be fellow humans to one another, sources of comfort and companionship and solidarity of handholding and laughter and light and love.
i don't want to give someone tips on how to stop fulfilling their purpose abruptly (but then there's the part of me that knows the excruciating pain existence can be and wants to spare people from that, too... ugh. why are these issues never simple and clear‽).
and maybe the reason that they're still here is because their "mission"/purpose/whatever hasn't been fulfilled. if you fail at killing yourself it's not a failure, it's your guardian angel / the Universe yanking you back up like "hold on, you still have so much light and love to give and to receive!"

i think i kind of maybe want to have a purpose too or at least believe i have one. that maybe i'm just flailing right now and failing to find my own.

like i wrote so many years and lifetimes ago, Death really is the ultimate get-away car.

someone please help me

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